Andy Hardison

TRIPPIN' WITH ANDY
The Young Years

Born a big ole 8 pounds gay baby
boy in
Henderson, KY., on March 8, 1977

Most of the first decade of my life was spend in
Owensboro, KY., where I was a mostly introverted kid and
mama's boi. My first innocent experiences with same sex
attraction was during the 3rd or 4th grade when I had a
crush on my best friend, Danny, and the class bad boi,
Doug.
At age 11 the family and I relocated to Dover, DE., where
in the 5th grade us "honkys" were the minority. Coming
from a southern state my experience in Delaware was a
complete culture shock. But that was the beginning of my
understanding that out there existed a larger and more
diverse world than I had previously experienced.

The highlight and more favorite memories are of Rehoboth
Beach where Delaware meets the Atlantic. If only I could
have been more in the know of my gay little self at that
point in time. Oh the happenings I would have had under
the boardwalk....!

From age 12-14 finds me in Dunbarton, NH...the beginning
of rebellious years - years which still persist in many ways.
The 6th grade at Dunbarton Elementary is a hazy blur of
memories save for my crushes on Matt, Heath, Ben, Dave
and Mikey...the latter my first, of many to follow, young
Mr. Blue Eyes.

The 7th and 8th grades were served in a Catholic school
where I was again in the minority, one of two non-Catholic
kids crowding the roster and always in trouble. And here
was my first stab at a "relationship", albeit it with a female.
And that was naturally going against the signals I received
during the Danny-Doug period. Nevertheless, I was a guy
with a girlfriend who was still hopelessly smitten with the
likes of Pete, Ben and Matt.

Then at 14, like a black hole in the galaxy, I was swallowed
up in an era of darkness and rebellion with the family's
move back to the Blue Grass State and the town of
Owensboro. The black hole churned around me like a
whirlpool; from 14 to 17 1/2 as I quickly indulged in the
drug-drinking scene while attending Davies County High
School. To sum it up: years of partying and more denial of
my queer self while trying to fit in. I had the girlfriend thing
going, but kept a Fort Knox lock on sexual yearnings for
that which is forbidden.

Those Owensboro years were filled with loads of great
people, memories, my garage band and endless summers.
But, by far, those were the most vexing and hardest years.

Then yet another move in 1994 at 17 1/2 and right in the
middle of my senior year. This time to Big Sky Country --
Montana. My first winter there was an endless affair of
rejecting the Borg by not assimilating both in school and
with my peers. I saw myself as the lone southern boi
roaming the hoard of Valley Kid types. Graduation --
barely -- in '95. And there I was still stuck so far back in
the closet that I appeared as nondescript wallpaper on a wall
of the most unappealing shades of grays and browns. Still
pretending, but for the shake of WHO?

Coming to the realization beginning around age 18, plus
losing the only girl I ever loved -- Melony -- in December,
95, that something for me had to change and change soon.
At 19, like those that wish to relive the 60s, I zipped back to
Kentucky for nine months. Hooked up with my old crowd
and lived the good times for one last time. There and then I
knew it was time to move on; no more hiding from myself.

From this point the grip of the black hole began to spend
even faster and tighter.

I stayed in Montana until the age of majority, then moved to
Wyoming. The most electronegative black hole periods of
my life -- even worst that my present circumstances. I
barely escaped Wyoming and my alcohol consumption and
a whole litany of failed interpersonal relationships.

Back in Montana at 21. On Valentine's Day 1999 I came
out to my new friends then in the Valispell gay community.
At this point I had my first same sex experience.

Finally free, or so I thought.

A decade spent in the closet and negatives of such were
only about to manifest themselves.